Section 4
Trouble, Trouble, Trouble
Red flags that seem so obvious to others might go completely unnoticed when you are wrapped up in the chemical haze of romance. Learn to see clearly.
“I've never been physically abused, so I have no trauma.”
Wrong!
Even if you have never been hit, you can still have trauma. Invisible traumas hide in our subconscious until we dig them out once and for all.
Explore This Section
Section 4 covers the hardest truths. Take your time with each topic.
Communication Styles
Know the difference. Only one of these is healthy.
Passive Communication
Individuals tend to avoid conflict and suppress their own needs. They often fail to express their thoughts and feelings openly.
- Difficulty expressing personal boundaries or saying 'no'
- Avoids confrontation and conflict at all costs
- Often feels resentful or taken advantage of
- Reluctant to express opinions or preferences
- May struggle with low self-esteem or self-worth
Can lead to unmet needs, frustration, and resentment. May result in feeling unheard or undervalued.
Aggressive Communication
Involves dominating conversations, disregarding others' feelings, and often resorting to hostile or confrontational behavior.
- Uses forceful language and tone
- Interrupts others frequently
- Blames and criticizes others
- May resort to yelling or shouting
- Seeks to control or dominate conversations
Creates a hostile environment, damages relationships, and escalates conflicts.
Passive-Aggressive Communication
Appears passive on the surface but acts out anger in subtle, indirect ways — sarcasm, backhanded compliments, deliberate procrastination.
- Uses sarcasm or backhanded compliments
- Gives the silent treatment
- Procrastinates or deliberately does tasks poorly
- Denies feelings of anger while acting them out
- Makes subtle digs disguised as jokes
Creates confusion and mistrust. Partners may feel manipulated or gaslit.
Assertive Communication
The healthiest style. Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully while also listening to others.
- Expresses needs and feelings clearly and directly
- Listens actively and respects others' perspectives
- Uses 'I' statements instead of blaming
- Can disagree without being disrespectful
- Maintains healthy boundaries confidently
Builds trust, deepens intimacy, and resolves conflicts constructively.
Relationship Sabotage
Tap each card to reveal the pattern. Do you recognize any of these?
“You can do everything right — with the wrong person.”
Survivor Advice
“You can do everything right — with the wrong person.”
“The red flags you ignore in the beginning will be the reasons you leave in the end.”
“Set boundaries like a boss.”
“Choose partners who inspire growth, not stagnation.”
“Love is a verb, not just a feeling.”
“Love is patient, but it shouldn't be endless waiting.”
“Healthy relationships thrive on mutual support, not competition.”
“A good woman will sometimes give her energy to a bad partner until she is empty...”
Remember!
You should not be afraid that you will "get in trouble" as an adult. Not in the way you did as a child, helplessly and with no control over your fate. If you are a people pleaser, or grew up in a religious environment, or have been abused: there can be a constant fear of being perceived as "bad" and being unjustly punished. This is a trauma response.
Up Next
When It's Right
When you've done the work — healing, growing, and learning — you'll be ready to recognize and build the love you truly deserve.
Continue to Section 5